Real Messages I've Received From Men Online - December Edition

Alright. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m the only one in the world that thinks “curiosity” is not a valid reason to ask inappropriate questions. Maybe I’m the only person that doesn’t go up to people and ask “Why are you black?” “Why are you gay?” “Why are you so damn ugly?”

If I’m in the wrong here, let me know. If you think these guys are actually winners and I should give them a chance, I will. Actually, that’s a lie. I won’t because I think it’s inappropriate to ask complete strangers questions like this. Not because it’s sensitive or makes me mad or makes me sob harder than the first twenty minutes of Up. It doesn’t. But because it doesn’t fucking matter why and it’s none of your damn business anyway, because, let’s remember, I DON’T KNOW YOU!

However, the messages will never stop coming and I love all of them. Each guy has his own special way of trying to get into my business, and sometimes I even respond. They never seem to appreciate my response though. Apparently what I view as my “charming sass” is viewed as an “attack” by the strange men who are attempting to get the intimate details of my life.

But don’t worry ladies – I don’t just get the inappropriate “let me ask you about why you’re in a wheelchair” messages. I also get super awkward people and complete creeps. We can suffer together ladies!

So, without further ado, please enjoy this December issue of “Real Messages From Guys Online”

Some of These Guys Get Straight to the Point:

This Complete Stranger Has Reassured Me That My Use (Or Nonuse) of a Wheelchair is Fine by Him.

Him:

I don't want to sound offensive or to direct. Are you handicapped cause in half the pics your standing and the others your not so I'm confused.

Him:

Either way I'm ok with that :)

This Guy Knows that Complete Strangers Try to Get in my Business All the Time, but That Won’t Stop Him Because MUST Know My Business Too!

Him:

Hi 
just curious to know what made you so passionate about disability rights and why are you in a wheelchair? You must get this a lot but I must know.

Me:

Hi
Just curious why do you think it's appropriate to ask strangers about their disabilities? You must not interact with disabled people a lot, but I must know.

I’m Confusing This Guy, Aren’t Wheelchairs Just for Fun?

Him:So are the wheelchairs for fun, experience and to educate? Or do you have a disability. Some pics standing, some in the chair, slightly confused lol O_o

This Guy Thinks I’m a Nasty Attacker

Please note that this guy bragged about how incredibly rich and amazing he is in his profile. He also likes “feminine” women who put their clothes on hangers. No joke.

Him:

Hi, how's it going? You seem very feminine. 
So tell me more about yourself. Why are you in a wheelchair sometimes? If you were an animal, what would you be? Where do you want to travel next? 
Anyway, sorry this is a little awkward. I hope to hear from you soon! 
Jon

Me:

Hey Jon,
It's going great. I'm not very feminine. I'm just the regular amount.
More about myself, huh? Well, I do disability rights law and I prefer conversations with substance as opposed to being asked personal questions followed by insignificant questions. 

Him:

I'm not sure why you're even writing back if you're just going to attack me and say nasty things.

Some Guys Don’t Ask Me Directly, They Prefer to Go the Awkward/Creepy Route Instead

This Guy is Confused about My Wheelchair Which Might Be Why I’m a Jumbled Mess In His Head

Him:

OK, I just read your profile. But I can't really make heads or tails of you, which is probably a good thing. 
Looks-wise I think you are incredibly attractive, and I find your nobility and willingness to fight for a noble cause very admiring, since most people focus their efforts on trying to screw people over. 
But I can't really get a read on you. You're all over the place personality wise. If I sort of can zero in on some things we might have in common, it might be that you seem nerdy and happy go lucky, very sweet and with a love of life that's intoxicating. 
One question though. Are you or are you not in a wheelchair? Sometimes you're standing, sometimes you're in one. I am so confused. 
Anyway write me back if you think a jerk like me is worth a shot. Maybe afterwards you can unravel the jumbled mess in my head that is you! LOL.
I hope to hear from you. 
J. 
P.S: I have a detailed plan of what to do and where to go, get food, weapons, etc for the zombie apocalypse! I'll make sure to save you.

Some Guys Don’t Ask About My Disability, Instead They’re Just Straight Up Creepers

This Guy Wants to Share His Personal Issues with Me Because We’re Not Strangers Anymore!

Him:

Is it ok to share one of my insecurities/ embarrassing thing about myself before I continue?

Me:

We're not exactly close. You sure you want to share those things with a complete stranger?

Him:

You're not a complete stranger anymore! Lol

Him:

Wait I don't even know your name -_-

This Guy Is My Personal Favorite This Month - If Awkward Doesn't Work, Just Try Again!

This guy messaged me and asked what I was “looking for.” I told him I wanted to meet someone to go on adventures with in Miami. He came back with an extra awkward response, so I didn’t reply. Apparently he thought my silence meant that he should send me another message. Unfortunately he disabled his account, so I can no longer talk with this gem.

Him:

Very nice. I’d like someone who can balance me out. I’m very active and it is hard to find someone to keep up with my drive in and out of the bedroom. Lol. 

I practice securities law. I love my work.

Him:

I like to do long distance running and training for that can take up time. I also surf, ski, bike and a lot more to stay in shape. When I’m exclusive, I prefer to take advantage of intimacy with my partner and some can’t handle my size. 

I handle financial transactions and such. 

Lessons Learned:

1. I'm still really confusing. Not just because I have a vagina (which should be enough to confuse men), but also because I sit and stand. 

2. I am completely fine with being a cat lady for the rest of my life if this is the alternative.